11.24.09

A Shodan Test: Endings and Beginnings

Posted in Aikido, Life at 6:05 am by Kara

One of my favorite things in the fall is finding a deciduous tree with one branch turning yellow while the rest of the tree remains green. Or one leaf smolders orange amongst its still-green siblings.

To me, this signifies endings and beginnings in one simple, elegant statement. Where does summer end and fall begin? For a space in time, endingsandbeginnings are inseparable.

On Saturday, November 7, 2009, I tested for my first degree black belt in Aikido. Known as “Shodan” — the first of the black belt ranks — it’s an important step on the path of this martial art. And yet it’s not really a step at all but an endingandbeginning — a natural and essential progression on this path, resulting from hard work, dedication, commitment, and immense help from one’s teacher and dojo, and leading to more steps on this life-long journey that never ends.

One season flows into the next, one year of practice flows into the next. Leaf colors and belt colors may change, but the practice and the process continue.

Many years ago, I heard it said that earning a black belt only means you’re a serious student, nothing more. I may have first heard it from my horse teacher Mark Rashid, who also teaches Aikido. It’s because of Mark that I started Aikido, and I thank him for bringing me to this path that is now an integral part of my life.

To many people, especially in America, a black belt seems to mean that you’ve attained the pinnacle of your martial arts achievement. The hard work is over. Now, as Steve Martin once said, “You are somebody!” Now you can coast a bit on the knowledge you’ve gained. Some people even quit after earning a black belt.

But really, the journey isn’t over, it’s just beginning. My teacher, Andrew Blevins Sensei, shared that in Japanese, “Sho” in Shodan means “beginner, beginning, fresh, new” — ah, not quite the pinnacle of achievement, now is it?

The more I train, the more I fully understand this notion. Only now do I understand some of the basics and can apply them more freely both on and off the mat. Only now, with some knowledge of the basics, can I start really learning about Aikido: we have to learn to walk before we can run. Only now is more of my Aikido being done from muscle memory and feel instead of thought and mental processing. I’m also starting to see that only now can I start to make my Aikido my own, based on my body type and approach.

Yes, I’ve worked hard to come to this place on the path. The process of being ready to test for Shodan didn’t start a couple months ago; it started the first time I bowed in at Kiryu Aikido with Blevins Sensei. It took a lot of hard work, struggle, commitment, and focus from the very beginning. Testing for Shodan was not my goal, but I knew it was a step I would need to commit to on this journey.

As Blevins Sensei shared with me a few tests ago, this is not an easy path, but the rewards are immeasurable if you choose to continue to push forward and do the hard work required. I think Aikido is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. It hasn’t come easily to me but I think I make up for it with determination, dedication, and sometimes stubborn commitment to persevering and keeping with it. And along the way, I discovered the joy that comes from practice for practice’s sake and the deep changes that come simply from staying on the path.

There have been a lot of challenges along the way; polishing off ego and smoothing off the rough edges from a human being are painful processes, and I’ve got a long way to go. And along with hard work there is indescribable joy and boundless contentment. And huge, positive life changes. Perhaps it’s the hard work and the getting up one more than we’re thrown that makes the lessons so deep and profound.

While testing for Shodan is important as a necessary step to continue on, I’ve come to see it as similar to working toward a diploma, whether high school, college, or graduate school. I study hard, put in the time and the effort, earn good grades, stay focused, keep committed to the outcome. If I do that and stay on track, I will earn the diploma.

But a diploma means nothing as it hangs on a wall. I may be finished with that stint, and be proud I stuck it out, but the work isn’t over. It’s not the diploma that has meaning; it’s what I do with it, where I go from there, and how I build on that knowledge to open doors to new horizons. Yes, earning it is important, but it’s only one step of many to come. A degree from Harvard doesn’t help much if the recipient chooses to sit in the coffee shop and Tweet instead of look for a job…. With my Aikido practice, I’m proud of the work I’ve put in and the challenges I’ve faced and overcome to reach this place. And now I look forward to using this basis of education to apply to my future learning and continue polishing the spirit. It doesn’t end here. It starts here.

To me, a Shodan test also underscores how “it takes a village” (the dojo) to get a student to that place. The student may be the one testing, but he or she wouldn’t be there, period, without the immense generosity in time and guidance given by the student’s teacher (Sensei) and senior students (Sempai). I’ve
been so blessed to have found a strong, healthy dojo from the first day of my practice at Kiryu Aikido. I’ve always known in my heart this is vital to a student’s growth.

The hours my Sensei and Sempai have spent with me are humbling, and it’s not just about sheer time. It’s about their selfless giving of their knowledge and their hearts, and their dedication to push me past my own boundaries in a safe way rather than letting me continue on the same plateau…that is a true gift.

As I finished the test and bowed out, first to Les-san (my Sempai who gave me the honor of being my Uke), then to our senior Aikido advisors Kei and Mariquita Izawa Sensei, and finally to Blevins Sensei and Albright Sensei, I realized something.

A Shodan test is a snapshot of where a student is on the path for that day and in that moment. The test pulls back the layers and shows what the student truly knows and has been learning. The test probably won’t be perfect; there will be things that could have been done better. But the test will bring out what the student knows and has been practicing all along.

As Sensei, Les-san, and Mark have shared with me many times, we are what we practice. A test shows what we know, today. Raw, unfettered, exposed. If we’ve been practicing as hard as we can and as focused as we can, we will bring some of that to the test because it reflects how we’ve been practicing and the expectations of our teachers every class.

In contrast, if we’ve been practicing with sloppy techniques or lack of Zanshin, our hopes to improve that in a test probably won’t happen. In my experience, it’s not possible to bring in the “I WANT to bring X, Y, or Z to my test.” We bring what we know and what is true for us — we bring what we’ve been practicing. In my test, I would have loved to have brought huge round powerful elegant dynamic flowing movement to every single bit of it. I daresay I didn’t — and how cool that I have all these things to work on for the next part of this journey.

I felt good about my test. I know that I gave it my all, 100%, and I had the best test possible I could have on that day. Was it perfect? Naaa. And my Aikido’s not perfect in the dojo. And that’s why I think it’s great that the test captured where I am in my Aikido journey now. It showed some of the strengths and the many things I will be working on in the coming years. That is the beauty of this. It’s never over; the polishing and the growth never stop. That is an immense gift and one I’m so thankful for.

As I bow into practice a few days after the test, I start the next steps of this journey with my Sensei and Sempai and dojo. I look forward to repaying a tiny bit of their kindness to me by helping others find the joy that results from the hard work, commitment, and dedication to their practice. It doesn’t happen overnight, but class after class, day after day, year after year, practice can lead to amazing things and spending time with wonderful people.

Endingsandbeginnings. I look forward to getting to work and discovering what lies ahead.

Arigatou gozaimasu, Sensei, Les-san, Cory-san, and John-san, for all your help. And Keith-san and Bob-san for the gift of practicing with you. It’s an honor to share this path with all of you.

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